Losing mum…

Losing someone is really hard

I lost my mum one Xmas eve.

She was in Dundee, and I was in Edinburgh, but I would visit regularly.

We didn’t always have the best relationship and clashed a lot. Then she was diagnosed with dementia, and our relationship changed in so many ways.

She needed me and I needed her.

We laughed

We danced

We sang

We talked

We cried

I did things for her.

Things, I never thought I’d have to do for my independent, determined mother. 

And, she let me. 

She also did things for me, and taught me so many things during this time:-

She taught me the true meaning of compassion

She taught me it’s never too late to have the relationship you never knew you wanted

She taught me to really listen

She reminded me we will all die and unless we nurture the relationships we have, we might struggle to find peace.

In that time we healed our relationship. We said everything we wanted to and held nothing back.  We had a mutual respect for each other because we listened to each other.  

We had a life-time together … but for us, the most important time was the 3 months before she died.  

When I sat by her bed that Christmas Eve and she left, I felt a calm-ness. 

We were given an opportunity and we both took it. This is one relationship I feel has no unfinished business.

Of course, I miss her and feel cheated that these 3 months were the best our relationship could have been – even under the circumstances – but I wanted more time.

I just want to remind you that when someone is getting on your nerves, or you feel under pressure to visit, the physical aspect of that relationship doesn’t last forever. 

Love is what we all want and need, and when we can share it with others, it’s an amazing feeling.  

Don’t let the petty stuff over-shadow what is underneath.  

We all have a heart and only when it’s beating can we make a difference.

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